So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
