worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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