I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
