I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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