Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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