I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
