Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
