so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
