I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
