Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
