she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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