I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
