Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
