careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
