Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
