Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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