I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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