College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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