he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
