we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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