saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
