dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
