He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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