just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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