We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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