I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
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we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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