Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
