i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
