she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Randomize
