one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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