Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
