No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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