Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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