I wish I could punch you in the face.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
