hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
