Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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