Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
