I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize