Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
