Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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