Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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