So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
