guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
