He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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