so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
