I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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