I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
