My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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