I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
