Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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