we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
