Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
