I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
