i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
