he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize