end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
