haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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