So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The power of my boobs compel you
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
