Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
