I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
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If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
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The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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