Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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