im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
