I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My life is pants optional.
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