I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
