By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
