dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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